10 Brutal Truths About Being A Stepmom | Life

My own stepfather said this to me a few years ago. You are not their mother. There's almost always a honeymoon period, he said.

We are learning more about each other as we go. Even if they CALL you mom. Now that I have raised my stepdaughters and had time to look back on the experience, I feel like I ran a gauntlet of tremendous emotional challenges and came across the finish line truly changed. But know up front that I am going to limit this subject and its details to MY story, not the story of my stepdaughters or their mother. Find a counselor or therapist, even if you don't think you need one. It will teach them to do the same some day. Or their 'Bonus Mom, ' for that matter. We are all messed up, but you know what? Even if their biological mother rarely sees them. We all have the potential to be amazing.

You can have a meaningful, loving, influential relationship with your stepchildren, but it will be different from that between a mother and child. You can tell from a quick glance at my blog bio that I'm a stepmother -- but I almost never write about it. And in the end, that's what matters. Girl, you don't need a parade.

We are all imperfect. We live in a world where everyone loves to vent, whether it's on Facebook, over the phone, or during a girls night out, but take it from me -- no one likes to hear a stepmother vent about her husband's ex or her stepkids. As wonderful as I'm sure you are, you can't fix that. And who wants to write about that? You and your husband need to be each other's refuge, particularly when you're having issues with your children or stepchildren. So many issues a blended family faces come from the divorce, which the stepmother (hopefully) had nothing to do with. Which brings us to number three. In retrospect, that was a HUGE mistake. And I had two small children of my own. Embrace it, and make the most of it. I still believe I'm here for a reason. I certainly don't want to make being a stepmother seem all gloom and doom, because it isn't. "You guys are doing great! Stick with it and know that you will emerge from this a better person.

And the girls came to live with us seven days a week. I am more reluctant to judge others. Four, and this was a biggie, I often felt like the world's worst stepmother. If you've got to let it out, limit your thoughts to a very close, trusted friend, or even better, tell it to your counselor or therapist. We've had many, many wonderful times together. We are all working toward that potential, in our own time and in our own way. Do not make the mistake of believing in your heart that you have all the same rights and privileges as the woman who gave birth to them, because you don't. Realistically, you're probably ALL partially to blame for the problems in your relationships. I am gentler with myself. Maybe you even think your husband is to blame, because he always seems to take their side.

"They convinced the city to hold a parade in my honor! " "They tell me ALL their secrets! " And then all hell breaks loose. Be prepared to shop around until you find someone you and your husband are both comfortable with. Or maybe you think your marital problems are all your stepkids' fault. I now believe that a good stepmom is physically/emotionally available when her stepkids need and want her to be, and she backs off and becomes a behind-the-scenes supporter to her husband's parenting when they don't. Ultimately, zealously protecting your marriage benefits everyone -- your stepchildren need to see you and your husband stay together and fight for your relationship, even when times are tough. You may agree -- you may disagree. Don't let it get you down. You've almost made it through!

Mon, 20 May 2024 13:06:11 +0000